I was contemplating life as I walked during a work break. I find myself doing this often, for good or bad. Since I've started writing Sarah's story I find myself looking back at that time in our lives for good reason.
I also catch myself lamenting things undone. Or not done well.
I strive daily to not hold on to the past, to have no regrets. But sometimes a creative mind can be a double-edged sword. One of those times was today.
Looking back on the segment of Sarah's journey where she and Patty were at Children's Hospital for the bulk of two and a half months, I recalled what I'd done to keep my family intact and as healthy as possible.
It was painful to consider what happened. Sure, I'd started a new job two weeks before Sarah's initial diagnosis in November 2008 and was working hard not to give my employer a reason to let me go. They were very gracious and supportive throughout our entire journey and I remember them fondly.
There are things I don't remember so fondly. I wasn't present for my three older kids like I should have been, both emotionally and physically. It never hit me to work on getting Patty breaks from the hospital until well along in the journey. I tried to keep things afloat but in the end it's only by God's grace we didn't completely sink.
As it should be. When we think we have everything down, or that we should survive & excel through every trial in life, that's when we get hit the hardest. I know from a lot of prayer and personal reflection that Sarah's journey was a struggle but also a beautiful episode in our lives. We've seen the blessing that's come as a result but I still wonder: could I have done better?
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