Spring Forward

Last time I talked about taking steps forward in your life. It's never easy, no matter steps you're talking about. The effort is worthwhile and necessary to grow. It can be painful, excruciatingly so. I've begun experiencing this firsthand. I've mentioned briefly here that I'm starting to write about Sarah's journey through her liver transplant. I wasn't sure what I expected when I began. I wasn't naive enough to believe that it would be an emotional-less, pain-free trip.

My own experience has a lot of "holes" in it since Patty was the one living each day with Sarah. I kind of appeared and disappeared like a genie in the lamp because of my new job and doing what I could to bring a little normalcy to the other kids' lives. Of course, even that didn't progress as I would have liked. Maybe that's why I feel a sting while writing about it. I struck out in a lot of ways and fell woefully short in many instances.

Even typing those words is difficult. I couldn't be there for Patty when Sarah's life hung in the balance following her bleed. I couldn't be there for my kids' each night because it caused more hurt for them to spend a short time with me and then watch me leave again.Many nights I sat alone at home crying out to God to bring me strength, to take the pain away from Sarah, from Patty, from the other kids; to help me stand strong even though I felt like a failure.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. No matter how awkward, shy or disconnected I might be in social arenas, with my writing I could say things I never could physically utter. And much better than I could possibly formulate in person. So, why am I writing all of this? I suppose to some degree its another step in my own healing. You would think after 3+ years I'd have moved beyond a lot of the pain. But it's become apparent these things take much longer than that, even though I'm fully aware how far God has brought me and what a blessing the experience has been. A blessing, you say? Yes, but I'll save that discussion for another time,

Brevity is not my strong suit but I'll cut to the chase. No matter the circumstances you face or what is keeping you from moving forward, the only way to begin to heal (if that's what you need) - even in small stages as I have - is to actually MOVE. Only then can you begin to actually digest what you've lived through and start to see the sunrise on the next chapter in your life.